Tracy Marchini

Freelance editor, children's writer and occasional word inventor.

Beware the Over-used Adverb


Sometimes in a manuscript, we’ll notice a gross overuse of adverbs, usually attached to dialogue, or listed among description. For example:

“No,” Jane said, forcfully.

“But you said you would buy me a pony,” Cindy said, sadly.

“I thought you wanted a My Little Pony,” Jane said, exhasperatedly.

Cindy stomped her feet quickly, and swung her arms wildly.

“I. Want. A. PONY!” Cindy screamed loudly.

But, if you deleted the extraneous adverbs and used more descritive verbs, you can get the emotion across in a cleaner, more readable way.

“No,” Jane said.

“But you said you would buy me a pony,” Cindy whined.

Jane threw her hands in the air. “I thought you wanted a My Little Pony.”

Cindy stomped her feet, swung her arms and took a deep breath.

“I. Want. A. PONY!”

Cleaner, yes?

How else would you rewrite the original paragraph?

About these ads

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on March 30, 2009 by in Uncategorized and tagged .

Connect!

Find me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter.

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 2,228 other followers

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 2,228 other followers

%d bloggers like this: